Jul 4, 2019
Let's be real: many of us struggle with
boundaries, and sometimes we aren't even sure where to
draw the line, when a boundary has been crossed, or how to
communicate our boundaries to others.
Boundaries are a set of basic rules or guidelines that we set
for ourselves to determine the types of behaviour we will tolerate, and those boundaries
impact the health of our relationships with
others, as well as with ourselves.
We can’t blame others for crossing our boundaries if we don’t
make them clear. It’s our responsibility to set the
boundaries for ourselves and to protect them, but this can be
easier said than done.
After many requests for an episode all about boundaries, today
I'm walking you through what boundaries are, the different types of
boundaries, why they're so crucial in relationships, how to enforce
them, and figuring out the often uncomfortable conversations that
can come with them.
When it comes to setting boundaries, there are some of the areas
you want to think about:
- Know your own limits.Some boundaries you might
not even you realize you have until someone crosses them. Use that
as a gift to learn from. You can’t expect others to know your
boundaries if you aren’t aware of them yourself.
- Check in with your gut / intuition.One of my
fave questions: How does that feel for you?
- Watch for red flags. Anger and
resentment are often signs that you have boundaries being crossed,
or even general discomfort.
- Be kind.
- Be direct.This is one of my gifts, but the
downside is that sometimes people can take it harshly even when
it’s not intended that way.
- Trust the process.Trust yourself enough to set
boundaries even when you are fearful of others’ reactions. Trust
that others will handle your boundaries however they will handle
them, and trust that the people that belong in your life are the
ones that will respect your boundaries or at minimum be willing to
have an open and honest conversation about them to better
understand your viewpoint.
- Understand that guilt (at least initially, and
depending on how few boundaries you currently have) may very well
be a natural and expected part of the process. Use
this opportunity to check in with your gut though, circling back to
previous point: are you in your integrity for you? If so, you’re
going to be able to show up as the best version of yourself for
YOU, and for the people that respect you and your boundaries. There
might be an adjustment period, but it will be worth it. Speaking of
- Know your worth.Because if you don’t think
you’re worth it, why would you need boundaries? Exercising
boundaries is going to challenge you, push you to do better, and
none of that will be possible if you don’t think that you are
deserving and worthy of respect - from yourself or from anyone
“I will no longer let people ________.”
“I deserve _________.”
“I need to _________________ to protect my energy.”
“What am I tolerating from others that is draining?”
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the
courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing
— Brené Brown
Links in this episode:
Episode #102, Practicing the Pause & Examining
What We Tolerate with Tory Eletto
Episode #104, An Education Around
Gaslighting & Manipulation with Meghan Campbell
Your Guide to ROCK Podcast
Interviews Like a Badass
Emily Gough Coaching
Room to Grow Podcast
Private Facebook Group: Room to Grow
Facebook: @ Emily Gough
PLUS! Want to be a badass podcast guest?
You’re going to want to grab this highly requested guide
walking you through every step of the way to have your interviewers
begging you to come back on, and the listeners wanting to learn
everything they can from you! Grab your guide
Questions? Comments? Want to connect and chat? You can
email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, or DM me over on
Instagram @emilygoughcoach with any
questions, comments, or takeaways! Plus, I would
absolutely love to connect with you and thank you for listening in
real life. It makes me day to see you listening to the
podcast and fills me up with pure joy. Seriously. See you on the ‘gram!
Questions? Comments? If Instagram and Facebook aren’t your
jam, send me a good old fashioned email!
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